Absentee ballots? Can't make it to to the Health Center to vote? Who are you kidding? If it's important enough to you, then you'll make it to the polling place! Hey, answer the clue phone! They don't use absentee ballots. It's not a conspiracy-- but you might want to dust off those tin-foil hats just in case the AAUP or the administration starts beaming out mind-control messages.
Dear Commissioner:
During the upcoming state elections, I will be having my hair done in my home. I just can't make it out to vote at my polling place. Would you please have a ballot delivered to the end of my driveway? If you don't agree, then you will be contributing to the silencing of a large portion of the electorate.
Sincerely,
A bumbling fool.
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